The contribution of gender complementarity to child rearing is deeply rooted in the innate differences between men and women. The Harvard sociologist Pitirim Sorokin (1956) concluded that no society has ceased to honor the institution of marriage and survived. Traditional marriage and parenting contributes to the fulfillment of life’s meaning to both individuals and society. Enjoying the marital union in its infinite richness, parents freely fulfill many other paramount tasks. They maintain the procreation of the human race. Through their progeny, they determine the hereditary and acquired characteristics of future generations. Through marriage they achieve a social immortality of their own, of their ancestors, and of their particular groups and community. This immortality is secured through the transmission of their name and values and of their traditions and ways of life to their children, grandchildren, and later generations.
Byrd, A. (2004). Gender complementarity and child-rearing: Where tradition and science agree. Journal of Law & Family Studies, 6(2), 213-236. See also Sorokin, P. (1956). The American Sex Revolution. Boston: Porter Sargent Publishers.

“There is no fact that has been established by social science literature more convincingly than the following: all variables considered, children are best served when reared in a home with a married mother and father. David Popenoe (1996) summarized the research nicely: 

Social science research is almost never conclusive … yet in three decades of work as a social scientist, I know of few other bodies of data in which the weight of evidence is so decisively on one side of the issue: on the whole, for children, two-parent families are preferable to single-parent and step-families. Children navigate developmental stages more easily, are more solid in their gender identity, perform better in academic tasks at school, have fewer emotional disorders and become better functioning adults when they are reared by dual-gender parents.

This conclusion, supported further by a plethora of research spanning decades, clearly demonstrates gender-linked differences in child-rearing that are protective for children. That is, men and women contribute differently to the healthy development of children. … mothers and fathers are essential for optimal childrearing. Gender complementarity affords children the opportunity to thrive in the best possible environment.”
Byrd, A. (2004). Gender complementarity and child-rearing: Where tradition and science agree. Journal of Law & Family Studies, 6(2), 213-236.

Family relationships are the first a person experiences in life. Children are nurtured, taught, and socialized in the family, and from there learn to relate to others and participate in the broader society. A stable family offers the emotional security a child needs for healthy development. As Princeton University sociologist Sara McLanahan has noted:
—-

If we were asked to design a system for making sure that children’s basic needs were met, we would probably come up with something quite similar to the two-parent ideal. Such a design, in theory, would not only ensure that children had access to the time and money of two adults, it also would provide a system of checks and balances that promoted quality parenting. The fact that both parents have a biological connection to the child would increase the likelihood that the parents would identify with the child and be willing to sacrifice for that child.
SEP Report No. 3-20, July 2020. The Demise of the Happy Two-Parent Home. Report prepared for Joint Economic Committee. Retrieved from https://www.jec.senate.gov/public/_cache/files/84d5b05b-1a58-4b3f-8c8d-2f94cfe4bb59/3-20-the-demise-of-the-happy-two-parent-home.pdf

The consequences of our current retreat from marriage is not a flourishing libertarian social order, but a gigantic expansion of state power and a vast increase in social disorder and human suffering. The results of the marriage retreat are not merely personal or
religious. When men and women fail to form stable marriages, the first result is a vast expansion of government attempts to cope with the terrible social needs that result. There is scarcely a dollar that state and federal government spends on social programs that is not driven in large part by family fragmentation: crime, poverty, drug abuse, teen pregnancy, school failure,
mental and physical health problems. …
—-

Marriage is a universal human institution. We do not know of any culture that has survived without a reasonably functional marriage system. … The future belongs to people who do the hard things necessary to reproduce not only themselves, but their civilization. Marriage is not an option, it is a precondition for social survival. Not everyone lives up to the marriage ideal in this or any civilization. But when a society abandons the marriage idea altogether as a shared public norm, do not expect private individuals to be able to sustain marriage. … Losing this battle means losing the idea that children need mothers and fathers. It means losing marriage. It means losing limited government. It means losing civilization. It means losing, period.

Gallagher, M. (2010, June 16). The Stakes. Retrieved from https://www.nationalreview.com/2003/07/stakes-maggie-gallagher/

Taralyn’s story

I’ve always seen the Family Proclamation as a beautiful painting – an ideal to aim for. Something that’s created and achieved over a lifetime and into the eternities, rather than some ideal to reach and check off my list. I’ve studied it as a young, single adult, questioning her ability to ever create that ideal. I’ve studied it as a wife and mom, who looks like she’s “arrived.” But the truth is, every version of me could find faults and judgement and weaknesses if she looked to compare herself with the ideal. But I don’t see it that way – I see it as a reminder of God’s promises. Am I imperfect, flawed, and broken? Absolutely. Could parts of the Family Proclamation make me feel marginalized or misunderstood? Most certainly. But the Proclamation isn’t about me. God’s beautiful painting is about Him, not me, and I appreciate that no matter what stage I’ve been in, I’ve been able to find myself in it. The Proclamation actually led me to my specific Master’s program. After years of working with at-risk youth, I knew I wanted to do more with families. I hated seeing them go home to brokenness that undid the work they did in treatment. But I also loved wilderness therapy, and wanted to find something that married all of that. That bit about “wholesome recreational activities” directly led me to my Master’s Program in Youth and Family Recreation. Because whether I helped other families with that or wound up getting married and starting my own family, I knew the added education would flesh out that piece of God’s painting for me. I have also felt heartache over how some of God’s children feel reading some of the declarations in the Proclamation, but I also believe those firm declarations give us opportunities to see where/how we can grow, and also to see where we need to invite and allow Christ’s Atonement to heal and empower us. Within God’s beautiful painting, there is a place for all of us.  

In this 2019 speech at BYU’s Wheatley Institution, Dr. Ryan Anderson of the Heritage Foundation explains how the family and the institution of marriage is the touchstone for a successful and meaningful life from birth to death:

“The family has been the ultimate foundation of every civilization known to history. It [is] the economic and productive unit of society … it [is] the political unit of society, with parental authority as the supporting microcosm of the state; it [is] the cultural unit, transmitting letters and arts, rearing and teaching the young; and it [is] the moral unit, inculcating through cooperative work and discipline those social dispositions which are the psychological basis and cement of civilized society”.
Will Durant, The Mansions of Philosophy: A Survey of Human Life and Destiny (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1929), 395.

The family has the primary responsibility for the nurturing and protection of children from infancy to adolescence. For the full and harmonious development of their personality, children should grow up in a family environment, in an atmosphere of happiness, love and understanding. All institutions of society should respect and support the efforts of parents to nurture and care for children in a family environment. Parents have a prior right to choose the kind of education that shall be given to their children and the liberty to ensure the religious and moral education of their children in conformity with their own convictions.
United Nations General Assembly, questions relating to the world social situation and to youth, ageing, disabled persons and the family, A/59/592 (3 December 2004).

The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State.
The Universal Declaration of Human Rights

The Proclamation reaffirms long-standing values regarding marriage, the roles of husbands and wives, and the duties and obligations of family members. However, the Proclamation is not a static, regressive document. As its plain terms emphasize, there is a pressing need for husbands and wives to protect, promote, and improve the lives of family members—particularly those of women and children. The Proclamation unequivocally affirms that there are social norms, traditions, and beliefs associated with family life.
Wilkins, R. “The Principles of the Proclamation: Ten Years of Hope” BYU Studies 4, no. 3 (5). 

The family, a universal community based on the marital union of a man and a woman, is the bedrock of society, the strength of our nations, and the hope of humanity.
The World Family Declaration

The widest possible protection and assistance should be accorded to the family, which is the natural and fundamental group unit of society.
United Nations International Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights, art. 10.1 

See also paragraph 4, sentence C [Sexual relations: Between husband and wife; Outside of Marriage].

Children within Matrimony

“Marriage is linked to higher levels of health and happiness and lower levels of alcohol and drug abuse for both adults and teens. Marriage is a wealth-creating institution – married people earn more, save more, and build more wealth, compared to people who are single or living together. There is an inverse relationship between marriage and crime – in communities where marriage is common, crime is much less common. Marriage is our most pro-child institution. It is our society’s best arrangement for helping children to thrive.”
Institute for American Values, “What is America’s Most Serious Social Problem?” (2006). Retrieved from http://americanvalues.org/search/item.php?id=55

Marriage strengthened the bonds between fathers and their children. Married men were more involved and had better relationships with their children than unwed or divorced fathers. In part, this was because married fathers shared the same residence with their children. But it was also because the role of husband encourages men to voluntarily take responsibility for their own children.
Steven Nock, “Marriage in Men’s Lives” (NY: Oxford University Press, 1998); David Popenoe, Life without Father: Compelling New Evidence That Fatherhood and Marriage Are Indispensable for the Good of Children and Society (New York: The Free Press, 1996).

“Relationships are more complex and less stable in families that are formed by unmarried parents. These families are much more likely to include children from other partnerships, and parents’ relationships are more fragile. Nearly half the cohabiting mothers (and nearly 80% of the non-cohabiting unmarried mothers) have ended their relationships with their child’s fathers by the time their children are 3 years old. Poverty rates and unemployment are also higher in unmarried-parent families. Sociological theory tells us that father absence reduces children’s access to social capital.”
McLanahan, S. (2004). Diverging Destinies: How Children Are Faring Under the Second Demographic Transition. Demography, 41(4), 607-627.

The biological child of cohabitants consistently received smaller investments from their fathers than a biological child of married parents, in both blended and nonblended households. …The differences persisted for biological children after controlling for other socioeconomic factors, even in blended families. … Marriage is differentiating the investments fathers make in
their children. … What adults do in their relationships affects, feeds into, and impacts their relationships with children, even biological ones.

Wilson, R. F. (2005). Evaluating marriage: Does marriage matter to the nurturing of children? The San Diego Law Review, 42(3), 847.

“Evidence shows the least safe of all environments for children is that in which the mother is living with someone other than the child’s biological father. This is the environment for the majority of children in cohabiting couple households.”
David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, “Should We Live Together? What Young Couples Need to Know about Cohabitation Before Marriage,” National Marriage Project.

Using nationally representative data from the U.S. National Survey of Families and Households (NSFH) to examine the association between family structure and child well-being … our findings showed that cohabiting parents were closer to single parent families than married parent families in terms of economic disadvantage. We also found that differences in economic resources accounted for much more of the disadvantage associated with non-traditional family structures than differences in parenting, especially differences between single parent families and married parent families. 
Elizabeth Thomson, & Sara S. McLanahan. (2012). Reflections on “Family Structure and Child Well-Being: Economic Resources vs. Parental Socialization”. Social Forces, 91(1), 45-53.

“The children of divorced or unwed parents have about three times as many serious behavioral, emotional, and developmental problems as children in two-parent families. By every measure of child well-being, these children are far worse off. And when children are dysfunctional, society becomes dysfunctional.”
Bruce C. Hafen, address from “Marriage, Family Law, and the Temple,” delivered at the J. Reuben Clark Law Society Annual Fireside in Salt Lake City on January 31, 2014.

Young girls who are reared by mothers with no single long-term partner tend to enter puberty earlier, become sexually active earlier, and have more sexual partners than girls coming from households having both mother and father. …

 

Ellis, McFadyen-Ketchum, Dodge, Pettit and Bates (1999) conducted a longitudinal study to test Belsky’s evolutionary model of menarcheal [onset of menstration/sexual maturation] timing. These researchers observed 173 girls and their families for eight years to determine if more negative-coercive family relationships in early childhood provoke earlier reproductive development in adolescence. It was found that the quality of a fathers’ investment in the family was the most important aspect of the proximal family environment relative to influencing a daughter’s pubertal timing. Girls reared in father-absent homes reached menarche several months earlier than their peers in father-present homes. The longer the paternal absence, the earlier was the onset of puberty. … The greater the time spent by fathers in child care and the greater the level of father- daughter affection, the more delayed was the onset of menarche.

See Ellis, Bruce J, McFadyen-Ketchum, Steven, Dodge, Kenneth A, Pettit, Gregory S, & Bates, John E. (1999). Quality of Early Family Relationships and Individual Differences in the Timing of Pubertal Maturation in Girls. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 77(2), 387-401.

Reared by Father and Mother

“Nearly three decades of research evaluating the impact of family structure on the health and well-being of children demonstrates that children living with their married, biological parents consistently have better physical, emotional, and academic well-being. Pediatricians and society should promote the family structure that has the best chance of producing healthy children. The best scientific literature to date suggests that, with the exception of parents faced with unresolvable marital violence, children fare better when parents work at maintaining the marriage.

There are clearly negative long-term consequences of divorce—children, parents, and society all suffer. … Given these tremendous costs borne by all individuals affected by divorce, as well as the costs to society, it is the responsibility of physicians—especially pediatricians, who care for children in the context of their families—to advocate for public health policies that promote marriage and decrease the likelihood of divorce.”
Anderson, J. (2014). The impact of family structure on the health of children: Effects of divorce. The Linacre Quarterly, 81(4), 378-387.

Few propositions have more empirical support in the social sciences than this one: compared to all other family forms, families headed by married, biological parents are best for children.
David Popenoe, “The Scholarly Consensus on Marriage,” Center for Marriage and Family at the Institute for American Values Fact Sheet #2, Feb 2006.

“Longstanding research assert(s) the view that the ideal environment for raising children is a stable biological mother and father. The science on comparative parenting structures, especially the research on same-sex households, is relatively new. Therefore, a claim that another parenting structure provides the same level of benefit should be rigorously tested and based on sound methodologies and representative samples. … it is reasonable to conclude that a mother and father function as a complementary parenting unit and that each tends to contribute something unique and beneficial to child development … Current research on the psycho-social development of children continues to affirm that the complementarity of an intact family, with a mother and a father serving unique relational roles, is optimal for a child’s healthy development.”
“Brief of Amicus Curiae Michigan Family Forum in Support of Defendants,” Alliance Defending Freedom, August 21, 2013, retrieved from http://www.adfmedia.org/files/SnyderAmicus.pdf. 

Andrew Beckwith, president of the Massachusetts Family Institute, has found that in communities where the crisis of fatherlessness is at its highest, the rate of abortion is startlingly high as well: “In Springfield, Massachusetts, for example, 70% of newborns come home from the hospital to a house without a father. The number of abortions in the city is similarly sky high. For every five live births in Springfield, two children are aborted. In 2017, that number of abortions was 2,143, and nearly 90% of the women who had those abortions were not married. These startling statistics reinforce the logical connection between marriage and fertility.”
Andrew Beckwith, “No Dad, No Baby: Abortion in the Age of Fatherlessness,” New Boston Post, 14 Jun 2019.

“The largest study to date—the National Health Interview Study which began with 1.6 million cases and yielded 512 same-sex parent families—debunks the idea that children with same-sex parents fare “no different” than children raised in the home of their married mother and father.”
See Sullins, D., “Emotional Problems among Children with Same-sex Parents: Difference by Definition,” British Journal of Education, Society & Behavioural Science 7:2 (2015), 99–120.

To be raised in an intact biological family presents clear advantages for children over other forms of parenting. In particular, the New Family Structures Survey (NFSS) provides evidence that previous generations of social scientists were unable to gather: that children from intact, biological families also out-perform peers who were raised in homes of a parent who had same-sex relationships. Therefore, these new peer-reviewed studies reaffirm—and strengthen—the conviction that the gold standard for raising children is still the intact, biological family.
Samuel, A., The Kids Aren’t All Right: New Family Structures and the ‘No Differences’ Claim, ThePublicDiscourse.com, 24 Jun 2012.

“Redefining marriage … further distance[s] marriage from the needs of children and would deny … the ideal that a child needs both a mom and a dad. Decades of social science, including the latest studies using large samples and robust research methods, show that children tend to do best when raised by a mother and a father.”
Anderson, R. (2013). “Marriage: What it is, Why it Matters, and the Consequences of Redefining It.” The Heritage Foundation. Retrieved from https://www.heritage.org/marriage-and-family/report/marriage-what-it-why-it-matters-and-the-consequences-redefining-it

The New Consensus that Marriage Matters. A large body of social science research indicates that healthy, married-parent families are an optimal environment for promoting the well-being of children. Children raised by both biological parents are less likely than children raised in single- or step-parent families to be poor, to drop out of school, to have difficulty finding a job, to become teen parents or to experience emotional or behavioral problems.
Institute for American Values, “What is America’s Most Serious Social Problem?” (2006). Retrieved from http://americanvalues.org/search/item.php?id=55

“Adolescents in single-parent families are significantly more delinquent than their counterparts residing with two biological, married parents. … But the effects of family structure are largely mediated by family processes, such as parental monitoring, supervision, and closeness. … Parental closeness coupled with involvement, supervision, and monitoring, attenuate the effect of living in a single-parent (or step) family on delinquency. Given that a growing share of America’s youth spends some time in a single-parent family, it is imperative that parents (as well as families and communities more generally) strive to provide their children with a strong balance of nurture and control to minimize delinquent behavior, particularly the more serious forms to which adolescents in single-parent families appear to be especially susceptible.”
Demuth, Stephen, & Brown, Susan L. (2016). Family Structure, Family Processes, and Adolescent Delinquency: The Significance of Parental Absence Versus Parental Gender. The Journal of Research in Crime and Delinquency, 41(1), 58-81.

Despite government spending over $22 trillion on anti-poverty programs since the 1960s War on Poverty began, the child poverty rate has barely decreased: from 20.7 percent in 1965 to 19.2 percent in 2015. The War on Poverty largely failed because it ignored the role of marriage in reducing poverty. Poverty is most prevalent in non-intact families. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, single-parent families are significantly more likely to fall into poverty than are married-couple families:

Over 2 million children reside in single-parent families. Never married single mother families constitute the greatest portion of single parent families. While the share of divorced and separated single mothers has decreased in recent years (although the numbers are still high), the share of never married single mothers continues to rapidly rise. This trend is particularly alarming because, of all family structures, children of never married mothers are the most likely to experience poverty. In 2015, 49.8 percent of children under age 18 who lived with a never married mother were in poverty. It is also notable in the chart above that cohabitation seems to make little difference in lowering the poverty rate.

The risk of drug use, including problem use, is highest among adolescents in father-custody families (father-only and father-stepmother families), even after controlling for the effects of sex, age, race-ethnicity, family income, and residential mobility. The risk of drug use is lowest in mother-father families. … The confirmed relationship between family structure and a host of developmental outcomes, including educational achievement, sexual behavior, and drug use, demands that we not ignore the living arrangements of adolescents when developing and implementing prevention programs, treatment policies, and other activities designed to enhance adolescent development. 
John P. Hoffmann, & Robert A. Johnson. A National Portrait of Family Structure and Adolescent Drug Use. Journal of Marriage and Family, 60(3), 633-645.

“The American College of Pediatricians, et al., in their April 3, 2015, amicus brief in Obergefell v. Hodges, cite work in which “Sullins found that, while outcomes for children with opposite-sex parents improved if their parents were married, outcomes for children with same-sex parents were notably worse if their parents were married rather than unmarried.” In this latest study, using data from the congressionally mandated National Longitudinal Survey of Adolescent to Adult Health (the primary data source for the three best studies used to support the “no differences” theory), Dr. Sullins finds that children of reported married same-sex parents are more likely than those of unmarried same-sex parents, unmarried opposite-sex parents, or married opposite-sex parents to experience depressive symptoms, unhappiness, daily fear or crying, and anxiety.”
Hall, J., The Research on Same-Sex Parenting: ‘No Differences’ No More, Heritage Foundation, 23 Apr 2015.

Dr. Mark Regnerus, professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin, addressed each of the three main problems with the earlier studies [suggesting no parenting difference between same-sex couples and heterosexual parents]. His research found that, similar to children from non-intact families, those children who at some point during their childhood lived with one parent and that parent’s same-sex partner fared, on average, significantly worse than children of married biological parents on a multitude of measures, including their educational progress as children and eventual employment and dependence on public assistance in adulthood. His study … seriously challenges the notion that the “no differences” conclusion is settled science.
Hall, J., “The Research on Same-Sex Parenting: ‘No Differences’ No More”, Heritage Foundation, 23 Apr 2015.

Marital Vows

Lifelong

See also paragraph 8, sentence A [Divorce].

Marriage benefits individuals, families, and society. Social science research
shows its many positive effects:
—–

• Married men earn up to 26 percent more than their unmarried counterparts.
• Women in intact marriages have relatively more money to take care of their families’ needs than women in any other family structure.
• Marriage protects against feelings of loneliness.
• Married people are happier in their relationships and report less depression than those who cohabit.
• Married people are more likely to report better health, a difference that also holds for the poor.
The Marriage and Religion Research Institute, retrieved from http://marri.us/wp-content/uploads/Strength-from-Marriage.pdf. Full sources listed here: http://marri.us/wp-content/uploads/One-Pager-References-Booklet.pdf

In 1950, almost 90 percent of children age 0 to 14 lived with married parents — now that proportion has fallen to less than two-thirds of children. The gap in marriage is growing, especially in terms of childbearing. While marriage is struggling against cultural, social and economic headwinds in poorer communities, it is flourishing among affluent, well-educated Americans who are both more likely to marry and more likely to stay married:

Despite the growing retreat from marriage in both Canada and the United States, cross-sectional studies clearly show that married individuals enjoy longer lives and are in better physical and mental health than their non-married counterparts. … Confirming what has been reported in other studies, we find that marriage continues to be beneficial for mental health. Specifically, we find that those who are married in 1994 and do not experience any transition in marital status over the course of the survey report significantly lower levels of distress relative to those who remain single, separated or divorced. Consistent with longitudinal studies that prospectively compare the mental health status of those who make a change in marital status with those who do not, we find that entry into marriage is associated with lower levels of distress and a transition out of marriage increases psychological distress. 
Strohschein, Lisa, McDonough, Peggy, Monette, Georges, & Shao, Qing. (2005). Marital transitions and mental health: Are there gender differences in the short-term effects of marital status change? Social Science & Medicine, 61(11), 2293-2303.

Fidelity

Younger Americans could be putting their relationships at risk with looser relationship boundaries online, according to “iFidelity: The State of Our Unions 2019,” the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University. … The report presents a survey of relationship attitudes and behaviors online and in real life. This is the first generational overview of how Americans think about sexual fidelity online in the wake of the internet revolution and the first study of the links between sexual fidelity online and relationship quality among American men and women. … It included participants from Generation X and the millennial, baby boomer and silent/greatest generations.

—-

Among the findings:
—-

• Although a clear majority of Americans in all generations express support for sexual fidelity in their relationships and report they are sexually faithful in real life, today’s young adults are markedly more likely to cross online boundaries related to sex and romance. For example, 18% of millennial participants engaged in sexual talk online with someone besides their partner, compared to 3% of greatest/silent generation participants, 6% of baby boomers, and 16% of Gen Xers.
—

• Several online behaviors are rated by most Americans (70% or more) as “unfaithful” or “cheating,” including having a secret emotional relationship or sexting with someone other than a partner/spouse without the partner’s/spouse’s knowledge and consent.   
—-  

• Married and cohabiting men and women who maintain strong boundaries online against potential sexual and romantic alternatives are more likely to be happy in their relationships.

Those currently married or cohabiting who blur these boundaries online are significantly less happy, less committed and more likely to break up, while, conversely, those taking a more careful stance to attractive alternatives online are happier, more committed and less likely to separate.

Bromley, A. (2019, July 30). Report Shows Online Behaviors Concerning Fidelity in Relationships Differ by Age. Retrieved from https://news.virginia.edu/content/report-shows-online-behaviors-concerning-fidelity-relationships-differ-age; see also http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/SOU2019.pdf

“According to the Marriage and Religion Research Institute’s “Mapping America” adults aged 18 to 59 in intact marriages who worshiped weekly were least likely to have ever cheated on their spouse or cohabiting partner, according to the National Health and Social Life Survey, the most detailed analysis of sexual behavior in America.”
See http://marri.us/wp-content/uploads/MA-133.pdf

With the exception of two religious groups (nontraditional conservatives and non-Christian faiths), holding any religious affiliation is associated with reduced odds of marital infidelity compared to those with no religious affiliation. …This robust protective effect may be due to several factors. Regular participation in worship services may reinforce religious plausibility structures and belief systems; thus, persons who internalize these religious values and norms may be dissuaded from indulging any temptation. …
———–
Our findings suggest that specific theological beliefs, specifically views about the Bible, are also directly related to infidelity. Persons who agree that the Bible is the literal word of God are less prone to engage in marital infidelity than their counterparts who ascribe no sacred significance to the Bible, and this relationship persists even with controls for religious affiliation and frequency of attendance at services. Likewise, persons who regard the Bible as the inspired (but not literal) word of God are also less inclined toward infidelity than nonbelievers. Our findings suggest that such biblical beliefs may translate into greater resistance to sexual temptation on the part of married persons. This suggests that doctrines of moral conservatism and restraint are associated with real differences in personal behavior rather than simply beliefs.
Burdette, Amy & Ellison, Christopher & Sherkat, Darren & Gore, Kurt. (2007). Are There Religious Variations in Marital Infidelity?. Journal of Family Issues – J FAM ISS. 28. 1553-1581. 10.1177/0192513X07304269. 

“The difficult reality is that the natural family and sexual liberation are mutually exclusive.  The more there is of the one, the less there will be of the other.”
John A. Howard, Senior Fellow, The Howard Center for Family, Religion and Society

At its most basic level, marriage is about attaching a man and a woman to each other as husband and wife to be father and mother to any children their sexual union produces. When a baby is born, there is always a mother nearby: That is a fact of reproductive biology. The question is whether a father will be involved in the life of that child and, if so, for how long. Marriage increases the odds that a man will be committed both to the children that he helps create and to the woman with whom he does so.

 

Marriage, rightly understood, brings together the two halves of humanity (male and female) in a monogamous relationship. Husband and wife pledge to each other to be faithful by vows of permanence and exclusivity. Marriage provides children with a relationship with the man and the woman who made them.

Anderson, R. (2014, May 17). The Evolution of Marriage. Retrieved from https://www.heritage.org/marriage-and-family/commentary/the-evolution-marriage

See also paragraph 4, sentence C [Sexual relations: Between husband and wife; Outside of Marriage].

Children within Matrimony

“Marriage is linked to higher levels of health and happiness and lower levels of alcohol and drug abuse for both adults and teens. Marriage is a wealth-creating institution – married people earn more, save more, and build more wealth, compared to people who are single or living together. There is an inverse relationship between marriage and crime – in communities where marriage is common, crime is much less common. Marriage is our most pro-child institution. It is our society’s best arrangement for helping children to thrive.”
Institute for American Values, “What is America’s Most Serious Social Problem?” (2006). Retrieved from http://americanvalues.org/search/item.php?id=55

Marriage strengthened the bonds between fathers and their children. Married men were more involved and had better relationships with their children than unwed or divorced fathers. In part, this was because married fathers shared the same residence with their children. But it was also because the role of husband encourages men to voluntarily take responsibility for their own children.
Steven Nock, “Marriage in Men’s Lives” (NY: Oxford University Press, 1998); David Popenoe, Life without Father: Compelling New Evidence That Fatherhood and Marriage Are Indispensable for the Good of Children and Society (New York: The Free Press, 1996).

“Relationships are more complex and less stable in families that are formed by unmarried parents. These families are much more likely to include children from other partnerships, and parents’ relationships are more fragile. Nearly half the cohabiting mothers (and nearly 80% of the non-cohabiting unmarried mothers) have ended their relationships with their child’s fathers by the time their children are 3 years old. Poverty rates and unemployment are also higher in unmarried-parent families. Sociological theory tells us that father absence reduces children’s access to social capital.”
McLanahan, S. (2004). Diverging Destinies: How Children Are Faring Under the Second Demographic Transition. Demography, 41(4), 607-627.

The biological child of cohabitants consistently received smaller investments from their fathers than a biological child of married parents, in both blended and nonblended households. …The differences persisted for biological children after controlling for other socioeconomic factors, even in blended families. … Marriage is differentiating the investments fathers make in
their children. … What adults do in their relationships affects, feeds into, and impacts their relationships with children, even biological ones.

Wilson, R. F. (2005). Evaluating marriage: Does marriage matter to the nurturing of children? The San Diego Law Review, 42(3), 847.

“Evidence shows the least safe of all environments for children is that in which the mother is living with someone other than the child’s biological father. This is the environment for the majority of children in cohabiting couple households.”
David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, “Should We Live Together? What Young Couples Need to Know about Cohabitation Before Marriage,” National Marriage Project.

Using nationally representative data from the U.S. National Survey of Families and Households (NSFH) to examine the association between family structure and child well-being … our findings showed that cohabiting parents were closer to single parent families than married parent families in terms of economic disadvantage. We also found that differences in economic resources accounted for much more of the disadvantage associated with non-traditional family structures than differences in parenting, especially differences between single parent families and married parent families. 
Elizabeth Thomson, & Sara S. McLanahan. (2012). Reflections on “Family Structure and Child Well-Being: Economic Resources vs. Parental Socialization”. Social Forces, 91(1), 45-53.

“The children of divorced or unwed parents have about three times as many serious behavioral, emotional, and developmental problems as children in two-parent families. By every measure of child well-being, these children are far worse off. And when children are dysfunctional, society becomes dysfunctional.”
Bruce C. Hafen, address from “Marriage, Family Law, and the Temple,” delivered at the J. Reuben Clark Law Society Annual Fireside in Salt Lake City on January 31, 2014.

Young girls who are reared by mothers with no single long-term partner tend to enter puberty earlier, become sexually active earlier, and have more sexual partners than girls coming from households having both mother and father. …

 

Ellis, McFadyen-Ketchum, Dodge, Pettit and Bates (1999) conducted a longitudinal study to test Belsky’s evolutionary model of menarcheal [onset of menstration/sexual maturation] timing. These researchers observed 173 girls and their families for eight years to determine if more negative-coercive family relationships in early childhood provoke earlier reproductive development in adolescence. It was found that the quality of a fathers’ investment in the family was the most important aspect of the proximal family environment relative to influencing a daughter’s pubertal timing. Girls reared in father-absent homes reached menarche several months earlier than their peers in father-present homes. The longer the paternal absence, the earlier was the onset of puberty. … The greater the time spent by fathers in child care and the greater the level of father- daughter affection, the more delayed was the onset of menarche.

See Ellis, Bruce J, McFadyen-Ketchum, Steven, Dodge, Kenneth A, Pettit, Gregory S, & Bates, John E. (1999). Quality of Early Family Relationships and Individual Differences in the Timing of Pubertal Maturation in Girls. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 77(2), 387-401.

Reared by Father and Mother

“Nearly three decades of research evaluating the impact of family structure on the health and well-being of children demonstrates that children living with their married, biological parents consistently have better physical, emotional, and academic well-being. Pediatricians and society should promote the family structure that has the best chance of producing healthy children. The best scientific literature to date suggests that, with the exception of parents faced with unresolvable marital violence, children fare better when parents work at maintaining the marriage.

There are clearly negative long-term consequences of divorce—children, parents, and society all suffer. … Given these tremendous costs borne by all individuals affected by divorce, as well as the costs to society, it is the responsibility of physicians—especially pediatricians, who care for children in the context of their families—to advocate for public health policies that promote marriage and decrease the likelihood of divorce.”
Anderson, J. (2014). The impact of family structure on the health of children: Effects of divorce. The Linacre Quarterly, 81(4), 378-387.

Few propositions have more empirical support in the social sciences than this one: compared to all other family forms, families headed by married, biological parents are best for children.
David Popenoe, “The Scholarly Consensus on Marriage,” Center for Marriage and Family at the Institute for American Values Fact Sheet #2, Feb 2006.

“Longstanding research assert(s) the view that the ideal environment for raising children is a stable biological mother and father. The science on comparative parenting structures, especially the research on same-sex households, is relatively new. Therefore, a claim that another parenting structure provides the same level of benefit should be rigorously tested and based on sound methodologies and representative samples. … it is reasonable to conclude that a mother and father function as a complementary parenting unit and that each tends to contribute something unique and beneficial to child development … Current research on the psycho-social development of children continues to affirm that the complementarity of an intact family, with a mother and a father serving unique relational roles, is optimal for a child’s healthy development.”
“Brief of Amicus Curiae Michigan Family Forum in Support of Defendants,” Alliance Defending Freedom, August 21, 2013, retrieved from http://www.adfmedia.org/files/SnyderAmicus.pdf. 

Andrew Beckwith, president of the Massachusetts Family Institute, has found that in communities where the crisis of fatherlessness is at its highest, the rate of abortion is startlingly high as well: “In Springfield, Massachusetts, for example, 70% of newborns come home from the hospital to a house without a father. The number of abortions in the city is similarly sky high. For every five live births in Springfield, two children are aborted. In 2017, that number of abortions was 2,143, and nearly 90% of the women who had those abortions were not married. These startling statistics reinforce the logical connection between marriage and fertility.”
Andrew Beckwith, “No Dad, No Baby: Abortion in the Age of Fatherlessness,” New Boston Post, 14 Jun 2019.

“The largest study to date—the National Health Interview Study which began with 1.6 million cases and yielded 512 same-sex parent families—debunks the idea that children with same-sex parents fare “no different” than children raised in the home of their married mother and father.”
See Sullins, D., “Emotional Problems among Children with Same-sex Parents: Difference by Definition,” British Journal of Education, Society & Behavioural Science 7:2 (2015), 99–120.

To be raised in an intact biological family presents clear advantages for children over other forms of parenting. In particular, the New Family Structures Survey (NFSS) provides evidence that previous generations of social scientists were unable to gather: that children from intact, biological families also out-perform peers who were raised in homes of a parent who had same-sex relationships. Therefore, these new peer-reviewed studies reaffirm—and strengthen—the conviction that the gold standard for raising children is still the intact, biological family.
Samuel, A., The Kids Aren’t All Right: New Family Structures and the ‘No Differences’ Claim, ThePublicDiscourse.com, 24 Jun 2012.

“Redefining marriage … further distance[s] marriage from the needs of children and would deny … the ideal that a child needs both a mom and a dad. Decades of social science, including the latest studies using large samples and robust research methods, show that children tend to do best when raised by a mother and a father.”
Anderson, R. (2013). “Marriage: What it is, Why it Matters, and the Consequences of Redefining It.” The Heritage Foundation. Retrieved from https://www.heritage.org/marriage-and-family/report/marriage-what-it-why-it-matters-and-the-consequences-redefining-it

The New Consensus that Marriage Matters. A large body of social science research indicates that healthy, married-parent families are an optimal environment for promoting the well-being of children. Children raised by both biological parents are less likely than children raised in single- or step-parent families to be poor, to drop out of school, to have difficulty finding a job, to become teen parents or to experience emotional or behavioral problems.
Institute for American Values, “What is America’s Most Serious Social Problem?” (2006). Retrieved from http://americanvalues.org/search/item.php?id=55

“Adolescents in single-parent families are significantly more delinquent than their counterparts residing with two biological, married parents. … But the effects of family structure are largely mediated by family processes, such as parental monitoring, supervision, and closeness. … Parental closeness coupled with involvement, supervision, and monitoring, attenuate the effect of living in a single-parent (or step) family on delinquency. Given that a growing share of America’s youth spends some time in a single-parent family, it is imperative that parents (as well as families and communities more generally) strive to provide their children with a strong balance of nurture and control to minimize delinquent behavior, particularly the more serious forms to which adolescents in single-parent families appear to be especially susceptible.”
Demuth, Stephen, & Brown, Susan L. (2016). Family Structure, Family Processes, and Adolescent Delinquency: The Significance of Parental Absence Versus Parental Gender. The Journal of Research in Crime and Delinquency, 41(1), 58-81.

Despite government spending over $22 trillion on anti-poverty programs since the 1960s War on Poverty began, the child poverty rate has barely decreased: from 20.7 percent in 1965 to 19.2 percent in 2015. The War on Poverty largely failed because it ignored the role of marriage in reducing poverty. Poverty is most prevalent in non-intact families. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, single-parent families are significantly more likely to fall into poverty than are married-couple families:

Over 2 million children reside in single-parent families. Never married single mother families constitute the greatest portion of single parent families. While the share of divorced and separated single mothers has decreased in recent years (although the numbers are still high), the share of never married single mothers continues to rapidly rise. This trend is particularly alarming because, of all family structures, children of never married mothers are the most likely to experience poverty. In 2015, 49.8 percent of children under age 18 who lived with a never married mother were in poverty. It is also notable in the chart above that cohabitation seems to make little difference in lowering the poverty rate.

The risk of drug use, including problem use, is highest among adolescents in father-custody families (father-only and father-stepmother families), even after controlling for the effects of sex, age, race-ethnicity, family income, and residential mobility. The risk of drug use is lowest in mother-father families. … The confirmed relationship between family structure and a host of developmental outcomes, including educational achievement, sexual behavior, and drug use, demands that we not ignore the living arrangements of adolescents when developing and implementing prevention programs, treatment policies, and other activities designed to enhance adolescent development. 
John P. Hoffmann, & Robert A. Johnson. A National Portrait of Family Structure and Adolescent Drug Use. Journal of Marriage and Family, 60(3), 633-645.

“The American College of Pediatricians, et al., in their April 3, 2015, amicus brief in Obergefell v. Hodges, cite work in which “Sullins found that, while outcomes for children with opposite-sex parents improved if their parents were married, outcomes for children with same-sex parents were notably worse if their parents were married rather than unmarried.” In this latest study, using data from the congressionally mandated National Longitudinal Survey of Adolescent to Adult Health (the primary data source for the three best studies used to support the “no differences” theory), Dr. Sullins finds that children of reported married same-sex parents are more likely than those of unmarried same-sex parents, unmarried opposite-sex parents, or married opposite-sex parents to experience depressive symptoms, unhappiness, daily fear or crying, and anxiety.”
Hall, J., The Research on Same-Sex Parenting: ‘No Differences’ No More, Heritage Foundation, 23 Apr 2015.

Dr. Mark Regnerus, professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin, addressed each of the three main problems with the earlier studies [suggesting no parenting difference between same-sex couples and heterosexual parents]. His research found that, similar to children from non-intact families, those children who at some point during their childhood lived with one parent and that parent’s same-sex partner fared, on average, significantly worse than children of married biological parents on a multitude of measures, including their educational progress as children and eventual employment and dependence on public assistance in adulthood. His study … seriously challenges the notion that the “no differences” conclusion is settled science.
Hall, J., “The Research on Same-Sex Parenting: ‘No Differences’ No More”, Heritage Foundation, 23 Apr 2015.

Marital Vows

Lifelong

See also paragraph 8, sentence A [Divorce].

Marriage benefits individuals, families, and society. Social science research
shows its many positive effects:
—–

• Married men earn up to 26 percent more than their unmarried counterparts.
• Women in intact marriages have relatively more money to take care of their families’ needs than women in any other family structure.
• Marriage protects against feelings of loneliness.
• Married people are happier in their relationships and report less depression than those who cohabit.
• Married people are more likely to report better health, a difference that also holds for the poor.
The Marriage and Religion Research Institute, retrieved from http://marri.us/wp-content/uploads/Strength-from-Marriage.pdf. Full sources listed here: http://marri.us/wp-content/uploads/One-Pager-References-Booklet.pdf

In 1950, almost 90 percent of children age 0 to 14 lived with married parents — now that proportion has fallen to less than two-thirds of children. The gap in marriage is growing, especially in terms of childbearing. While marriage is struggling against cultural, social and economic headwinds in poorer communities, it is flourishing among affluent, well-educated Americans who are both more likely to marry and more likely to stay married:

Despite the growing retreat from marriage in both Canada and the United States, cross-sectional studies clearly show that married individuals enjoy longer lives and are in better physical and mental health than their non-married counterparts. … Confirming what has been reported in other studies, we find that marriage continues to be beneficial for mental health. Specifically, we find that those who are married in 1994 and do not experience any transition in marital status over the course of the survey report significantly lower levels of distress relative to those who remain single, separated or divorced. Consistent with longitudinal studies that prospectively compare the mental health status of those who make a change in marital status with those who do not, we find that entry into marriage is associated with lower levels of distress and a transition out of marriage increases psychological distress. 
Strohschein, Lisa, McDonough, Peggy, Monette, Georges, & Shao, Qing. (2005). Marital transitions and mental health: Are there gender differences in the short-term effects of marital status change? Social Science & Medicine, 61(11), 2293-2303.

Fidelity

Younger Americans could be putting their relationships at risk with looser relationship boundaries online, according to “iFidelity: The State of Our Unions 2019,” the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University. … The report presents a survey of relationship attitudes and behaviors online and in real life. This is the first generational overview of how Americans think about sexual fidelity online in the wake of the internet revolution and the first study of the links between sexual fidelity online and relationship quality among American men and women. … It included participants from Generation X and the millennial, baby boomer and silent/greatest generations.

—-

Among the findings:
—-

• Although a clear majority of Americans in all generations express support for sexual fidelity in their relationships and report they are sexually faithful in real life, today’s young adults are markedly more likely to cross online boundaries related to sex and romance. For example, 18% of millennial participants engaged in sexual talk online with someone besides their partner, compared to 3% of greatest/silent generation participants, 6% of baby boomers, and 16% of Gen Xers.
—

• Several online behaviors are rated by most Americans (70% or more) as “unfaithful” or “cheating,” including having a secret emotional relationship or sexting with someone other than a partner/spouse without the partner’s/spouse’s knowledge and consent.   
—-  

• Married and cohabiting men and women who maintain strong boundaries online against potential sexual and romantic alternatives are more likely to be happy in their relationships.

Those currently married or cohabiting who blur these boundaries online are significantly less happy, less committed and more likely to break up, while, conversely, those taking a more careful stance to attractive alternatives online are happier, more committed and less likely to separate.

Bromley, A. (2019, July 30). Report Shows Online Behaviors Concerning Fidelity in Relationships Differ by Age. Retrieved from https://news.virginia.edu/content/report-shows-online-behaviors-concerning-fidelity-relationships-differ-age; see also http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/SOU2019.pdf

“According to the Marriage and Religion Research Institute’s “Mapping America” adults aged 18 to 59 in intact marriages who worshiped weekly were least likely to have ever cheated on their spouse or cohabiting partner, according to the National Health and Social Life Survey, the most detailed analysis of sexual behavior in America.”
See http://marri.us/wp-content/uploads/MA-133.pdf

With the exception of two religious groups (nontraditional conservatives and non-Christian faiths), holding any religious affiliation is associated with reduced odds of marital infidelity compared to those with no religious affiliation. …This robust protective effect may be due to several factors. Regular participation in worship services may reinforce religious plausibility structures and belief systems; thus, persons who internalize these religious values and norms may be dissuaded from indulging any temptation. …
———–
Our findings suggest that specific theological beliefs, specifically views about the Bible, are also directly related to infidelity. Persons who agree that the Bible is the literal word of God are less prone to engage in marital infidelity than their counterparts who ascribe no sacred significance to the Bible, and this relationship persists even with controls for religious affiliation and frequency of attendance at services. Likewise, persons who regard the Bible as the inspired (but not literal) word of God are also less inclined toward infidelity than nonbelievers. Our findings suggest that such biblical beliefs may translate into greater resistance to sexual temptation on the part of married persons. This suggests that doctrines of moral conservatism and restraint are associated with real differences in personal behavior rather than simply beliefs.
Burdette, Amy & Ellison, Christopher & Sherkat, Darren & Gore, Kurt. (2007). Are There Religious Variations in Marital Infidelity?. Journal of Family Issues – J FAM ISS. 28. 1553-1581. 10.1177/0192513X07304269. 

“The difficult reality is that the natural family and sexual liberation are mutually exclusive.  The more there is of the one, the less there will be of the other.”
John A. Howard, Senior Fellow, The Howard Center for Family, Religion and Society

At its most basic level, marriage is about attaching a man and a woman to each other as husband and wife to be father and mother to any children their sexual union produces. When a baby is born, there is always a mother nearby: That is a fact of reproductive biology. The question is whether a father will be involved in the life of that child and, if so, for how long. Marriage increases the odds that a man will be committed both to the children that he helps create and to the woman with whom he does so.

 

Marriage, rightly understood, brings together the two halves of humanity (male and female) in a monogamous relationship. Husband and wife pledge to each other to be faithful by vows of permanence and exclusivity. Marriage provides children with a relationship with the man and the woman who made them.

Anderson, R. (2014, May 17). The Evolution of Marriage. Retrieved from https://www.heritage.org/marriage-and-family/commentary/the-evolution-marriage

In a study titled “Religiosity, self-control, and antisocial behavior: Religiosity as a promotive and protective factor” researchers Robert Laird, Loren Marks and Matthew Marrero explain that higher religiosity has been associated with more positive health outcomes and provides consistently lower rates of drug and alcohol abuse, risky sexual behavior and delinquency. They also note that “high levels of religiosity may protect individuals who are otherwise at risk of, or inclined to engage in, misbehavior or health-compromising behaviors.”
Laird, Robert & Marks, Loren & Marrero, Matthew. (2011). Religiosity, self-control, and antisocial behavior: Religiosity as a promotive and protective factor. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology. 32. 78-85. 10.1016/j.appdev.2010.12.003. 

A 2018 study in the American Journal of Epidemiology examined how being raised in a family with religious or spiritual beliefs affects mental health. Harvard researchers had examined religious involvement within a longitudinal data set of approximately 5,000 people, with controls for socio-demographic characteristics and maternal health. The result? Children or teens who reported attending a religious service at least once per week scored higher on psychological well-being measurements and had lower risks of mental illness.

—–

Weekly attendance was associated with higher rates of volunteering, a sense of mission, forgiveness, and lower probabilities of drug use and early sexual initiation. Pity then that the U.S. has seen a 20% decrease in attendance at formal religious services in the past 20 years, according to a Gallup report earlier this year. In 2018 the American Family Survey showed that nearly half of adults under 30 do not identify with any religion.

—-

Nihilism is fertilizer for anxiety and depression, and being “realistic” is overrated. The belief in God—in a protective and guiding figure to rely on when times are tough—is one of the best kinds of support for kids in an increasingly pessimistic world. That’s only one reason, from a purely mental-health perspective, to pass down a faith tradition.
Komisar, E. (2019, December 06). Don’t Believe in God? Retrieved September 06, 2020, from https://www.wsj.com/articles/dont-believe-in-god-lie-to-your-children-11575591658

The vast majority of the studies, some 81 percent of the 99 studies reviewed, reported some positive association between religious involvement and greater happiness, life satisfaction, morale, positive affect or some other measure of well-being. The vast number of studies on religion and well-being have included younger and older populations as well as African Americans and Caucasians from various denominational affiliations:

Source: Johnson, Byron & Tompkins, Ralph & Webb, Derek. (2002). Objective Hope: Assessing the Effectiveness of Faith-Based Organizations: A Review of the Literature. 

The practice of religion not only stabilizes marriage, but also improves its quality. Brad Wilcox of the University of Virginia found that the more frequently husbands attended religious services, the happier their wives said they were with the level of affection and understanding that they received and the amount of time that their husbands spent with them. Earlier research had shown that the more frequently couples engage in religious practice, the more they were satisfied with their marriages: 60 percent who attended religious services at least monthly perceived their marriages as “very satisfactory,” compared with only 43 percent of those who attended religious services less often.
Wilcox, B. (2004). Soft patriarchs, new men : How Christianity shapes fathers and husbands (Morality and society). Chicago: University of Chicago Press.

“A Pew Research Center study of the ways religion influences the daily lives of Americans finds that people who are highly religious are more engaged with their extended families, more likely to volunteer, more involved in their communities and generally happier with the way things are going in their lives. For example, nearly half of highly religious Americans – defined as those who say they pray every day and attend religious services each week – gather with extended family at least once or twice a month. By comparison, just three-in-ten Americans who are less religious gather as frequently with their extended families. Roughly two-thirds of highly religious adults (65%) say they have donated money, time or goods to help the poor in the past week, compared with 41% who are less religious. And 40% of highly religious U.S. adults describe themselves as “very happy,” compared with 29% of those who are less religious.”
Pew Research Center, April 12, 2016, “Religion in Everyday Life.”

Religious involvement predicted positive marital and parenting interactions for both generations examined. What has been under-studied, however, is why faith and families are such a robust combination. What is the magic at work here? …
—-

Meaningful religious traditions … not only provide a sense of connection around the holidays, but families also report meaningful daily and weekly rituals. These include weekly Shabbat practices for Jewish families, weekly Family Home Evening for Latter-day Saint families, daily prayer (Salat) for Muslim families, family Bible reading for Evangelical Christian families, and regular forgiveness and confession for Catholic and Orthodox Christian families. Each of these practices yield myriad reported benefits. Religious involvement is especially helpful in supporting and strengthening minority families such as African American Christians and Asian American Christians.
Dollahite, D., Marks, L., & Boyd, H. (2020, February 6). The Best Practices-and Benefits-of Religious Parenting. Retrieved from https://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2020/02/59688/

“Several studies have shown that religiosity is correlated with greater marital satisfaction and commitment, lower marital conflict, less divorce, and less infidelity. … For instance, a meta-analysis by Mahoney and colleagues (2001) demonstrated that church attendance did not decline after divorce; however, low attendance predicted divorce and high attendance was associated with lower risk for divorce. Thus, there are indications that religiosity promotes more stable and satisfying marital relationships more so than the reverse. …
—-
[There is] a reciprocal relationship between marital happiness and church attendance. They showed that increases in church attendance predicted greater happiness and higher levels of happiness predicted increased church attendance. The findings of all these studies, however, are consistent with the proposition that religiosity appears to enhance the quality of marital relationships.”
Spilman, Sarah K, Neppl, Tricia K, Donnellan, M. Brent, Schofield, Thomas J, & Conger, Rand D. (2013). Incorporating religiosity into a developmental model of positive family functioning across generations. Developmental Psychology, 49(4), 762-774.

As the cradle of life and love for each new generation, the family is the primary source of personal identity, self-esteem, and support for children. It is also the first and foremost school of life, uniquely suited to teach children integrity, character, morals, responsibility, service, and wisdom.
Statement of Wade Horn, U.S. Assistant Secretary for Children and Families, United Nations General Assembly, December 6, 2004.

See also paragraph 6, sentence B [Spiritual needs and teaching].

“Regular family dinners, yearly vacations, and holiday celebrations contribute to the development of a strong sense of intergenerational self. This intergenerational self and the strength and guidance
that seem to derive from it are associated with children’s increased resilience, better adjustment, and improved likelihood of overcoming challenges.

It is what happens during these events that is key: family storytelling. Sharing stories—stories about parents and grandparents, triumphs and failures—provides powerful models for children. Children understand who they are in the world through both their individual experience and through the filters of family stories that provide a sense of identity through historical time.”
Rollins, Judy. (2013). The power of family history. Pediatric nursing. 39. 113-4. See also Marshal P. Duke, et al., “Knowledge of family history as a clinically useful index of psychological well-being and prognosis: A brief report,” Psychotherapy Theory, Research, Practice, Training 45 (2008): 268–72. Fivush, et al., “The power of family history in adolescent identity and well-being,” 23 Feb 2010.

Leisure activities play an important role in the lives of families, among couples, in parent-child relations, and in grandparent-grandchild relations. Researchers have found that leisure has a positive influence on family relationships by enhancing communication and cohesion among family members. … Generativity appears to develop across the life course and plays a central role in the family leisure experiences for both grandparents and their adult grandchildren.
Hebblethwaite, S. (2009). The family that plays together, stays together? Understanding the experience of intergenerational family leisure. 69(9), 3695.

“Families are still considered to be the fundamental units of society and are perhaps the oldest and most important of all human institutions. Examinations of family leisure have consistently demonstrated a positive relationship between family recreation and aspects of family functioning such as satisfaction and bonding.”
Zabriskie, Ramon B, & McCormick, Bryan P. (2001). The Influences of Family Leisure Patterns on Perceptions of Family Functioning. Family Relations, 50(3), 281-289.

“While preparing to initiate the Family Narratives Project at the Sloan Center for the Study of Myth and Ritual in American Life (MARIAL) at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia, psychologists Marshall Duke and Robyn Fivush interviewed a veteran clinician with 30 years in practice. She told them, “I can tell which kids I’m working with are most likely to respond to treatment and benefit most from educational plans and adjustments. It’s the ones who know about their family history” (Duke,
Lazarus, & Fivush, 2008, p. 268). She routinely asks children and adolescents a few questions, such as where their parents met or what sorts of jobs their grandparents had, and has observed over the years that those who knew such information have much stronger positive prognoses and better outcomes.”
Rollins, Judy. (2013). The power of family history. Pediatric nursing. 39. 113-4. See also Marshal P. Duke, et al., “Knowledge of family history as a clinically useful index of psychological well-being and prognosis: A brief report,” Psychotherapy Theory, Research, Practice, Training 45 (2008): 268–72. Fivush, et al., “The power of family history in adolescent identity and well-being,” 23 Feb 2010.

A systematic review found that eating frequent family meals was associated with better psychosocial outcomes for children and adolescents. Infrequent family meals were associated with disordered eating, alcohol and substance use, violent behaviour, and feelings of depression or thoughts of suicide.
——
There was a positive relationship between frequent family meals and increased self-esteem and commitment to learning or a higher grade point average. Findings also highlighted that females seemingly gained more protective effects from frequent family meals than males did.

———

Given that psychosocial dysfunction is one of the most common chronic conditions among children and adolescents, health care practitioners should educate families on the benefits of having regular meals together. In addition, practitioners should explore any obstacles that might exist to having family meals and discuss potential strategies for their implementation. 
Harrison, M. E., Norris, M. L., Obeid, N., Fu, M., Weinstangel, H., & Sampson, M. (2015). Systematic review of the effects of family meal frequency on psychosocial outcomes in youth. Canadian family physician Medecin de famille canadien, 61(2), e96–e106.

Understanding the power of family history opens new possibilities for those of us dedicated to improving the lives of children and families. A family is a team, and in recent years, many new techniques have been introduced to help teams function more effectively. … Feiler (2013)
suggests that the single most important thing we can do for our family may be the simplest of all: develop a strong family narrative. …
—

To hear family stories, people need to sit down with one another and not be distracted. Some people have to talk and some have to listen. The stories need to be told over and over, and the times of sitting together need to be multiple and occur over many years. …
—

Parents are often busy doing things that they think are useful for their children and their family, but in fact, what is happening is that family members are growing very separate from each
other. … Parents [need to] become aware of the value of telling their children family stories. Although the nightly traditional family dinner is extinct in many households, parents can take advantage of moments together with their children in the car, over a snack, or at bedtime.
Rollins, Judy. (2013). The power of family history. Pediatric nursing. 39. 113-4. 

See also paragraph 6, sentence B [Physical needs].

Preside

“We may have rediscovered how important fathers are, but a boy today “does not simply grow into” a good father. As Anthony Esolen insightfully notes, motherhood is “a biological reality with cultural expression,” but fatherhood is “a cultural reality built on a biological foundation.” We as a society are responsible to build fathers. That means appreciating how a boy depends on lessons for healthy development that only other men, “who speak in his dialect,” can provide. It means a culture that appreciates and develops true masculinity, recognizing as David Gilmore found that for a man to be tender, he must be tough enough to fend off enemies; to be generous he must be intent and focused enough “to amass goods;” to be gentle, he must be able to confront danger; and to love he must be assertive and confident enough to win his wife, and protect his own. We have discovered the importance of fatherhood, now we need to better build and protect it.”
Erickson, J. (2018, June 17). Rediscovering the indispensable role of fathers. Retrieved from https://www.deseret.com/2018/6/17/20647086/jenet-erickson-rediscovering-the-indispensable-role-of-fathers

 There is a father absence crisis in America. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 19.7 million children, more than 1 in 4, live without a father in the home. Consequently, there is a father factor in nearly all social ills facing America today.
“The Father Absence Crisis [Infographic],” Fatherhood.org, 2017. U.S. Census Bureau, data represent children living without a biological, step, or adoptive father.

“Boys and girls who grow up with an involved father, as well as an involved mother, have stronger cognitive and motor skills, enjoy elevated levels of physical and mental health, become better problem-solvers, and are more confident, curious, and empathetic. They also show greater moral sensitivity and self-control.

As they grow, well-fathered children are substantially less likely to be sexually involved at an early age, have babies out of wedlock, or be involved in criminal or violent behavior. They are much more likely to stay in school, do well there, and go to college. …

An analysis of over 100 studies on parent-child relationships found that having a loving and nurturing father was as important for a child’s happiness, well-being, and social and academic success as having a loving and nurturing mother. Some studies indicated father-love was a stronger contributor to some important positive child well-being outcomes. Weinraub, in “Fatherhood: the Myth of the Second Class Parent,” states that “There is no doubt that fathers are important contributors to child development. In particular, fathers significantly affect the development of sex roles, cognitive abilities and achievement motivation.”
U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, retrieved from https://eclkc.ohs.acf.hhs.gov/family-engagement/article/appreciating-how-fathers-give-children-head-start#note18

Thirty years of research suggests that the absence of the male parent is more likely to be the problem. The boys who are most at risk for juvenile delinquency and violence are boys who are physically separated from their fathers. The U.S. Bureau of the Census reports that in 1960 children living with their mother but not their father numbered 5.1 million; by 1996 the number was more than 16 million. As the phenomenon of fatherlessness has increased, so has violence. As far back as 1965 Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan called attention to the social dangers of raising boys without benefit of a paternal presence. He wrote in a 1965 study for the Labor Department, “A community that allows a large number of young men to grow up in broken families, dominated by women, never acquiring any stable relationship to male authority, never acquiring any rational expectations about the future—that community asks for and gets chaos.”

—-
The sociologist David Blankenhorn, in Fatherless America (1995), wrote, “Despite the difficulty of proving causation in the social sciences, the weight of evidence increasingly supports the conclusion that fatherlessness is a primary generator of violence among young men.” William Galston, a former domestic-policy adviser in the Clinton Administration who is now at the University of Maryland, and his colleague Elaine Kamarck, now at Harvard, concur. Commenting on the relationship between crime and one-parent families, they wrote in a 1990 institute report, “The relationship is so strong that controlling for family configuration erases the relationship between race and crime and between low income and crime. This conclusion shows up time and again in the literature.”
Christina Hoff Summers, “The War Against Boys.” Retrieved from https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2000/05/the-war-against-boys/304659/

“Research from the University of Pennsylvania found that children who feel a closeness and warmth with their father are twice as likely to enter college, 75 percent less likely to have a child in their teen years, 80 percent less likely to be incarcerated, and half as likely to show various signs of depression.

“A white teenage girl from an advantaged background is five times more likely to become a teen mother if she grows up in a single-mother household than if she grows up in a household with both biological parents.”

The likelihood that a young male will engage in criminal activity doubles if he is raised without a father and triples if he lives in a neighborhood with a high concentration of fatherless families.

“The research is absolutely clear … the one human being most capable of curbing the antisocial aggression of a boy is his biological father.”
U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, retrieved from https://eclkc.ohs.acf.hhs.gov/family-engagement/article/appreciating-how-fathers-give-children-head-start#note18

Fathers are far more than just “second adults” in the home. Involved fathers – especially biological fathers – bring positive benefits to their children that no other person is as likely to bring. They provide protection and economic support and male role models. They have a parenting style that is significantly different from that of a mother and that difference is important in healthy child development.
David Popenoe, Life Without Father, (New York: The Free Press, 1996), p. 163.

Provide

Award-winning journalist Paul Raeburn recently concluded that “the discovery of the father is one of the most important developments in the study of children and families” in our day. Two hundred years ago, “fathers began a long march from the center to the periphery” of family life as factory and office work took them away from home for long periods of the day. Mothers increasingly became identified as more important in children’s lives while fathers’ roles decreased and became less direct. Some researchers even concluded that fathers might even be irrelevant in children’s lives, “except as the providers of the family income.
—-

By the time mothers began entering the workforce, fatherhood had lost, “in full or in part,” each of its traditional roles: “irreplaceable caregiver, moral educator, head of family and breadwinner.” …
When the sexual revolution permanently divided sexual intimacy from marriage and parenthood, fatherhood became fractured and in the decades since, nearly half of all children have grown up without the continual presence and nurturing of their fathers.

—-

This tragic loss of fatherhood had one silver lining. We were forced to learn how important the nurturing of fathers is in the lives of children. The “discovery of fatherhood” reveals that fathers’ way of nurturing is as important as mothers’, but its complementary form may blind us to its importance.

Erickson, J. (2018, June 17). Rediscovering the indispensable role of fathers. Retrieved from https://www.deseret.com/2018/6/17/20647086/jenet-erickson-rediscovering-the-indispensable-role-of-fathers

Child poverty is an ongoing national concern, but few are aware of its principal cause: the absence of married fathers in the home. According to the U.S. Census, the poverty rate for single parents with children in the United States in 2008 was 36.5 percent. The rate for married couples with children was 6.4 percent. Being raised in a married family reduced a child’s probability of living in poverty by about 80 percent. (See Chart below).
Robert Rector, “Marriage: America’s Greatest Weapon Against Child Poverty.” Retrieved from https://www.heritage.org/poverty-and-inequality/report/marriage-americas-greatest-weapon-against-child-poverty-0

We know the statistics—that children who grow up without a father are five times more likely to live in poverty and commit crime; nine times more likely to drop out of schools and twenty times more likely to end up in prison. They are more likely to have behavioral problems, or run away from home, or become teenage parents themselves. And the foundations of our community are weaker because of it.
Barack Obama, “Obama’s Speech on Fatherhood, Apostolic Church of God, Chicago, 15 Jun 2008.

Protect

Complementarity even shows up in the way fathers hold infants. While a mother is likely to hold her infant to maximize eye contact and closeness, fathers are more likely to use a “football hold” — giving the child the same view of the world that he has. This way of holding parallels how fathers influence the way children relate to the world. Lack of father closeness is consistently associated with delinquent and criminal behaviors, while closeness is associated with empathy, happiness and relationship quality in adulthood. Even the way fathers roughhouse with children predicts less aggression, stronger peer relationships and greater popularity among peers.

—-

Fathers also influence children’s brain development in complementary ways. Compared to mothers’, their interactions are more typically characterized by arousal, excitement and unpredictability in a way that stimulates openness to the world, exploration and discovery. …
—-

Fathers are also more likely to encourage children in risk-taking and pursuing opportunities that facilitate educational and occupational achievement. And fathers typically encourage children in developing independence and finding solutions to their problems. Where mothers are more likely to reach in and help children solve a problem, fathers tend to hold back while still offering support, building capacity and confidence. These behaviors don’t always fit the traditional definition of “holding close and sensitively responding.” But a key part of nurturing is the capacity to “let go,” something fathers seem particularly good at preparing children to do. This helps explain why having an involved father is so strongly associated with earning good grades and graduating from college.

Erickson, J. (2018, June 17). Rediscovering the indispensable role of fathers. Retrieved from https://www.deseret.com/2018/6/17/20647086/jenet-erickson-rediscovering-the-indispensable-role-of-fathers

Does Father Absence Place Daughters at Special Risk for Early Sexual Activity and Teenage Pregnancy?
—-

Although the current research cannot demonstrate causation, three converging lines of evidence
suggest that the answer to this question is yes. First, in both the U.S. and New Zealand samples, there was a dose-response relationship between timing of onset of father absence and early sexual outcomes: Early father-absent girls had the highest rates of both early sexual activity and adolescent pregnancy, followed by late father-absent girls, followed by father-present girls. This dose-response relationship suggests that past research … has underestimated the impact of father absence on daughters’ sexual outcomes. This issue may be especially relevant to predicting rates of teenage pregnancy, which were 7 to 8 times higher among early father-absent girls, but only 2 to 3 times higher among late father-absent girls, than among father-present girls.
Bates, John E, Dodge, Kenneth A, Fergusson, David M, John Horwood, L, Pettit, Gregory S, & Woodward, Lianne. (2003). Does Father Absence Place Daughters at Special Risk for Early Sexual Activity and Teenage Pregnancy? Child Development, 74(3), 801-821.

“Fathers matter, and marriage helps to connect fathers to mothers and children.”
Anderson, R. (2013, March 11). Marriage: What It Is, Why It Matters, and the Consequences of Redefining It. Retrieved from https://www.heritage.org/marriage-and-family/report/marriage-what-it-why-it-matters-and-the-consequences-redefining-it

Dads play particularly important roles in the formation of both their sons and their daughters. As Rutgers University sociologist David Popenoe explains, “The burden of social science evidence supports the idea that gender-differentiated parenting is important for human development and that the contribution of fathers to childrearing is unique and irreplaceable.”
David Popenoe, Life Without Father: Compelling New Evidence That Fatherhood and Marriage Are Indispensable for the Good of Children and Society (New York: The Free Press, 1996), p. 146. See also Anderson, R. (2013, March 11). Marriage: What It Is, Why It Matters, and the Consequences of Redefining It. 

“Fathers provide four key pillars for child development: physical security, material resources, a distinctive contribution in forming the identity of the child, and the day-to-day nurture and care children need from their parents.”
See David Blakenhorn, “Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem.”

A 2019 meta-synthesis examined fathers’ experiences, needs, and perceptions of their involvement with their infants.  Findings from this meta-synthesis showed that fathers’ relationship with their infants became stronger the more time and the more physical contact they had with their infant child. Moreover, their relationship with their wives and the level of support from them influenced the strength of their bond. 
—

Also, the better their relationship with their own fathers the greater their desire to be involved with their infant child. However, most fathers reported that work commitments, sleep deprivation, perceived lack of caregiving skills, breastfeeding, and exclusion by healthcare professionals during labor and the early postpartum period hindered them from spending time with their infants, and made them feel left out. 
—

Fathers who had skin-to-skin contact once their infant was born expressed their desire to be both the caregiver and provider, and altered their lifestyles, sacrificing their leisure time and hobbies, to be more physically and emotionally present with their infants.
Shorey S, Ang L (2019) Experiences, needs, and perceptions of paternal involvement during the first year after their infants’ birth: A meta-synthesis. PLoS ONE 14(1): e0210388.
https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0210388

“A 2016 Korean study investigated the association between paternal involvement and the brain development of infants, aged 3 to 4 months. Results: fathers who take care of their infants by changing their diapers, feeding them, dressing them, and by providing emotional support to their wives increased their infants’ brain development (and decreased their wives’ stress levels). The mother’s level of stress modified both the depth of relationship of the father and their infants’ brain development.”
Kim, M., Kang, S. K., Yee, B., Shim, S. Y., & Chung, M. (2016). Paternal involvement and early infant neurodevelopment: the mediation role of maternal parenting stress. BMC pediatrics, 16(1), 212. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12887-016-0747-y

A 2016 study using data from the Early Childhood Longitudinal Study examined 10,600 children to find out how father involvement affected developmental outcomes during the prenatal, perinatal, and infant stages. The results: infants with absent and/or uninvolved fathers had a greater likelihood of attention deficit and learning disorders, as well as speech and language disorders. 
Dylan B. Jackson, Jamie Newsome, Kevin M. Beaver, Does early paternal involvement predict offspring developmental diagnoses?, Early Human Development, Volume 103, 2016, Pages 9-16,
ISSN 0378-3782, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.earlhumdev.2016.07.001.

“Men Are That They Might Be Fathers” – BYU-Idaho Devotional by Dr. Tim Rarick
Source: https://www.byui.edu/devotionals/tim-rarick

Introduction
Most who know me will probably hear the topic of this talk and think, “Of course! Why wouldn’t he speak on that? I mean, he studies and speaks on it all the time, so it’s an obvious choice!” Well, let me tell you that it wasn’t so obvious to me. I didn’t want to default into a topic. The purpose of the devotional speaker is to be the Lord’s instrument  to deliver the message He wants delivered. 

Because I know that our Father knows and loves each of you perfectly, like the prophet Alma, I have studied and pondered and “fasted and prayed many days that I might know these things of myself…” and to know what message the Lord would have me deliver to you. 

I tell you this because I know that every person who stands at this podium has done the very same thing as I have, and I hope today you’ll receive the personal epistle the Lord has for you. 

Disclaimer
And now a quick disclaimer: What I share today about the importance of fathers in no way minimizes or takes away from the vital and sacred role of mothers. There is too much in our world today that is trying “to stir up the hearts of men [and women] with anger, one against another.” This is certainly not the Lord’s way! 

With that, I invite the Holy Ghost to be with each of us as we learn together today. 

Two Suffocating Experiences
When I was about six years old, I had two different experiences that, at the time, felt like near-death experiences. The first happened at school. We were outside at recess when the bell rang telling us it was time to head back to class. Unfortunately, a bunch of us reached the door at the same time and there became a terrible bottle neck. I happened to be in the front of this traffic jam that had tripped onto the floor. Then a huge doggy pile began as more and more children reached the door. It was getting harder and harder to breathe at the bottom of this pile. I remember looking up and seeing one girl joyfully pushing other children on top of the pile! I desperately looked for someone—anyone—to help pull me out. Other children in front of me just stared in both amusement and horror. (Useless little…) Well, I made it out, obviously, but that traumatic event left me a little more untrusting of my classmates. 

The second experience took place at a small water park about 15 minutes from my home. I remember riding down a water slide, plunging into the pool at the bottom, and then noticing that my feet couldn’t reach the bottom of the pool. The current from the water slides made it difficult to tread water for a child my size, who also lacked swimming experience. I struggled to stay afloat as I went under, came up, went under, and came up again. Just as before, it was getting more and more difficult to breathe, and I really felt that I wasn’t going to make it. Just as I was about to go under again, my Dad appeared. I don’t remember whether he reached into the water or jumped in altogether, but he saved me from what felt like certain death. 

Now, in both instances I was being suffocated by my surroundings and was desperately looking for someone to rescue me. And even though I made it out alive, only at the water park did I experience comfort and assurance because my father was both near and attentive, presiding over my welfare, providing life-sustaining breath, and protecting me from a strong current. 

The State of Boys, Men, and Fathers Today
Tragically, brothers and sisters, millions of children today are being suffocated by evil influences in this fallen world without a father near or attentive to protect them. Let me explain: 

Boys today are much more likely than girls to have discipline problems at school, to be misdiagnosed with ADHD, to dropout from high school and college, and to become addicted to video gaming, drugs, and pornography. Boys today are less likely than girls to graduate from college, earn a graduate degree, and own a home. Far fewer young men get married and stay married today than just a couple decades ago. Young adult men are more likely than young adult women to live with a parent than they are to live with a partner or spouse. Men are also more likely than women to commit suicide, break the law, and be in prison. 

You can probably see how these trends are both a cause and an effect of fatherlessness. In the United States alone, over 40 percent of children are born to unwed mothers. And of the mothers that do marry, nearly half of those marriages will end in divorce, often resulting in a less involved or absent father. It is no wonder 24 million children in America, one out of three children, are growing up in biological father absent homes. If you think it has always been this way, think again! In 1960, 9 in 10 children resided with their two married parents. As I have reviewed the research on this, I have found that this absentee-dad epidemic is a social engine driving many of the serious problems in the world, including those previously mentioned regarding boys and young men. For example, there is evidence to suggest that fatherlessness is fueling poverty, abortion, child abuse, school dropouts, school shootings, obesity, cohabitation, divorce, and sexual exploitation, namely: pornography, sex trafficking, and prostitution (and I’m just getting started). 

To make matters worse, the media that many of us consume often depicts men and fathers to be downright useless. Elder D. Todd Christofferson described it in these words:  

In too many Hollywood films, TV and cable shows, and even commercials, men are portrayed as incompetent, immature, or self-absorbed. This cultural emasculation of males is having a damaging effect …. Some men and young men have taken the negative signals as an excuse to avoid responsibility and never really grow up.  

Perhaps after hearing all this, you too are feeling suffocated and overwhelmed. You should. 

Brothers and sisters, I testify to you that Satan—the father of contention and the father of all lies —has been behind this war on fathers for a long time. You had better believe that he and his followers know full well that “the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of [God’s] children.” 

All is Well in Zion
Now brethren, you may hear about the state of men and fathers today and think to yourself, “That’s too bad for the rest of the world, but I don’t plan on fathering children out of wedlock and becoming incarcerated, and I am planning on graduating from college and avoiding my parents’ basement,” to which I would respond, “Good for you— but not good enough.” This kind of attitude can lead to complacency. The prophet Nephi warned us of this very thing: 

And others will [Satan] pacify, and lull them away into carnal security, that they will say: All is well in Zion; yea, Zion prospereth, all is well—and thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell …. Therefore, wo be unto him that is at ease in Zion! 

All is not well in Zion! We can’t believe that Latter-day Saints are immune to these problems. Not only is this belief false, it doesn’t invite us to look inward and examine ourselves to see where we can improve and what we are lacking. We can’t have the attitude like many parents watching the television show Supernanny, who derive comfort from the thought, “Well, at least I’m not as bad as those parents!” No, we cannot look to the world’s standards and trends and derive comfort from not being as bad. As the Lord has said, “For of him unto whom much is given much is required; and he who sins against the greater light shall receive the greater condemnation.” 

Let me address one more idea that can breed apathy and indifference: It is my observation that in the culture of the Church, some of the men have bought into the idea that their only hope for exaltation is to find a woman who will drag them to the celestial kingdom kicking and screaming. This attitude may stem from a belief that men and fathers are inferior to women and mothers. I know nothing in the words of ancient and modern prophets that teaches men are the lesser gender and that fathers are the inferior parent. 

No, brethren—it is by divine design that “mothers and fathers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” Do not let our different roles and capacities allow us to misinterpret our worth or capability. Men, you are to compliment and complete women, not just the other way around. Remember the second half of the Apostle Paul’s declaration: “Neither is… the woman without the man, in the Lord.” 

Yes, responsible men and fathers are vital for both children and society. But to Latter-day Saints, fathers are much more. Again from Elder Christofferson: 

Some see the good of fatherhood in social terms, as something that obligates men to their offspring, impelling them to be good citizens and to think about the needs of others, supplementing “maternal investment in children with paternal investment in children.” . . . While these considerations are certainly true and important, we know that fatherhood is much more than a social construct or the product of evolution. The role of father is of divine origin, beginning with a Father in Heaven and, in this mortal sphere, with Father Adam. The perfect, divine expression of fatherhood is our Heavenly Father. 

You Were Designed to be a Father
Ironically, sometimes I think that we Latter-day Saints speak of wanting to become like our Heavenly Father by developing His knowledge and perfect attributes, without focusing on becoming what He is: a parent—more specifically, a father. Men, our inherent mental, physical, and spiritual capacities are not simply for us to grow from boys to men. 

In a manual produced by the Church titled A Parent’s Guide, we read this profound doctrinal statement: 

“Since a major purpose of our mortal existence is to become like our Heavenly Father…and since eternal life with our Father will be lived in family units, the ultimate goal of a man or boy is to become an effective husband and father….” 

That is how men reach the full measure of their creation. I realize that in this fallen world, fatherhood won’t be a reality for all men for a variety of reasons. But that shouldn’t excuse us of working toward our eventual destiny whether in this life or the next. Brethren, if your goal is exaltation, your goal is fatherhood. As Elder Dyches taught us last week: 

“Never lose sight of your purpose on earth and your divine destiny.” 

Prepare for Fatherhood Now!
When I started teaching at BYU-Idaho about seven years ago, I would occasionally play basketball at the I-Center with students. And, looking like a student myself back then, I more than once had a conversation that went something like this in between games when students would discover that I was a faculty member:  

Student: “Whoa, I thought you were a student. What classes do you teach?”  

Me: “Parenting (and other classes). You should take the class.”  

Student: [awkward pause] “Yeah, maybe I’ll worry about that when I have kids.” 

Me: “So you’re saying that you are willing to spend thousands of dollars and at least four years of your life learning to become the best _____ (fill in the blank) you can be, but when it comes to the most important work you’ll ever do and the purpose of your creation, you’re just going to wing it?”  

Student: “Well…that’s not totally what I meant.”  

Me: “Well, that’s what it totally sounds like, dude!”  

Brethren, the time to start preparing for fatherhood was yesterday. But since that is not an option, how about today? Why not begin by seeing most everything you do in your life now as fatherhood preparation? This focus will give more purpose into the important things you are already doing such as your educational, professional, romantic, and other pursuits. A fatherhood focus will also provide both the wisdom and the strength to eliminate those things in your life that are unnecessary, distracting, or self-centered. 

On the devotional discussion board, Lehi Estrada, a BYU-Idaho student from the Philippines put it this way: 

One thing I had been experiencing lately is trying to set my priorities in order. As a college student, you can shift more of your focus on what class you are failing, or [your] calling or just “ resting” for a while. In setting priorities, I always remember…Him. Christ is a great example of what is the most important thing we could do today or tomorrow…. Setting priorities makes me accountable and prepares me to do impossible things. 

To help with your preparation and priorities, I’d like to take you through a brief crash-course on fatherhood preparation. Did you know that the purpose of the Aaronic—or preparatory priesthood—was not simply to prepare you to hold the Melchizedek Priesthood? The oath and covenant and duties of the priesthood are to make us into righteous and capable fathers. 

If you weren’t aware of that as a young man (as I was not), we can turn to “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” for a clear and concise description of what we should be preparing to be doing as fathers. 

“By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.” ¹³ 

Preside. Provide. Protect. I’m sure we’ve all heard these three “Ps” before, but it’s not enough to know about them. We need to: 

1. Obtain a deeper understanding of each of these three principles
2. Know what each principle looks like in fatherhood and how to prepare for it. Determine if our current thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors are impeding or promoting fatherhood preparation 

Let’s briefly explore each of these items in each of the three Ps. Now I know that we men have a tendency to compartmentalize things in life, and that is appropriate at times; however, it’s important to understand that presiding, providing, and protecting are not three discrete and disconnected principles. In fact, they appropriately overlap, promote, and reinforce each other. I encourage you to look for this overlap and these connections as we move through each principle.

Preside
In a pamphlet produced by the church, it gives a terrific definition of what it means to preside: 

Fatherhood is leadership, the most important kind of leadership. It has always been so; it always will be so. 

President Ezra Taft Benson further explained:  

As the patriarch in your home, you…must help create a home where the Spirit of the Lord can abide. Your place is to give direction to all family life. You should take an active part in establishing family rules and discipline. 

Your homes should be havens of peace and joy for your family. Surely no child should fear his own father—especially a priesthood father. A father’s duty is to make his home a place of happiness and joy. He cannot do this when there is bickering, quarreling, contention, or unrighteous behavior. The powerful effect of righteous fathers in setting an example…is vital to the spiritual welfare of his children. 

For a real-life example of how difficult this can be, let’s watch my own family in action. I recorded this video of my children about five years ago, and it was after a long day at the pool. Think about how you might preside in a situation like this. 

“There is beauty all around….” Notice that there was bickering, quarreling, and contention. Also notice that every child stated they were not ready for scripture study, including my son, Carter, who walked out of the room. So what is the proper response? If you think punishment, lecturing, or you’d just let your wife handle it, think again. 

Brethren, learn to deal with chaos and know how to respond rather than react. Learn to influence rather than control others through persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, and love. This can be practiced with those around you—especially with those whose opinions and personalities differ from your own. Unlike a video game, you won’t be able choose or manipulate your children’s personalities, strengths, and weaknesses, but you can choose how you see, respond to, and influence them. If you struggle with anger, taking the initiative, or learning from others, then perhaps picturing your future children will give you renewed purpose and strength to change.

Provide
That brings us to providing the necessities of life. But what are the necessities? Temporally it might include food, water, clothing, a modest home, and a good education. This is a good start, but let us not forget the most universal human need: love. As President Dieter F. Uchtdorf has said, “In family relationships love is really spelled t-i- m-e, time.” When children of varying ages are asked what they appreciate most about their fathers, the most common response is “He spends time with me.” Regarding preparing to provide, Elder Christofferson said this: 

To young men, recognizing the role you will have as provider and protector, we say, prepare now by being diligent in school and planning for postsecondary training. Education, whether in a university, technical school, apprenticeship, or similar program, is key to developing the skills and capabilities you will need. Take advantage of opportunities to associate with people of all ages, including children, and learn how to establish healthy and rewarding relationships.  

Even more important than this is providing for spiritual nourishment of your children. This includes leading your family in council, home evening, prayer, scripture study, and much more. If you struggle with offering your time and talents to better others or if you are not feeding your own spirit every day through scripture study and meaningful prayer, then perhaps picturing your future children will give you renewed purpose and strength to change.

Protect
Elder A. Theodore Tuttle of the Seventy observed this about protecting our families: 

The father is the protector of the home. He guards it against the intrusion of evil from without. Formerly he protected his home with weapons and shuttered windows. Today the task is more complex. Barred doors and windows protect only against the intrusion of a [physical] creature. It is not an easy thing to protect one’s family against intrusions of evil into the minds and spirits of family members. These influences can and do flow freely into the home. Satan can subtly beguile the children of men …. He need not break down the door. 

Fathers, you will have to live close to the Lord. Develop a sensitivity to the impressions of the Spirit. 

This was 1973, well before WiFi and mobile devices could allow for evil influences to flow freely into the home. Sadly, many men become desensitized to the immorality, violence, and foul language found in much of our media today long before they become fathers. When this happens, it can be quite difficult to both detect and eliminate virtual intruders in the home. 

There is another protective factor in fatherhood. Daughters who are raised in a home with an involved father are far less likely to be sexually active as teens, less likely to struggle with self-worth, and much more likely to develop healthy relationships with men throughout her life. What a sacred protective power a father naturally wields!

In the scriptures we read of men who literally use a sword to defend their freedom, peace, wives, and children. However, your muscles—no matter how big they are—will not protect your child struggling with body image, drugs, depression, or testimony. Today we fathers are to wield the sword of truth to protect our peace, wives, and children, which requires the spiritual strength to do so. Brethren, if you struggle with protecting your own mind, body, and spirit from false, immoral, violent, and other evil influences then perhaps picturing your future children will give you renewed purpose and strength to change. 

If you would like to view a great example of the three Ps in action, I encourage you to watch the Mormon Message titled “Earthly Father, Heavenly Father.”  

Brethren, just two more questions for your sincere pondering:

1. If your son had the same thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors as you have, would you be proud?
2. If other men thought about and interacted with your daughter the way you think about and interact with the women around you, would you be pleased? 

I truly hope this crash-course in fatherhood has inspired you to hasten your preparation to preside, provide, and protect. I encourage you to further your learning by taking advantage of learning from general conference talks, evidence-based books, parenting classes, the righteous fathers in your life, and our Heavenly Father’s parenting manual—the scriptures.  

I also encourage all single and married sisters to follow a similar pattern we have done here in regards to motherhood. You sisters can also use this talk as a guide to know what to look for and encourage in the men in your life.

Men Are That They Might Have Joy…in Fatherhood
My fellow priesthood brethren, I know that changing diapers or staying up all night with a sick child or being sassed by a teenager doesn’t sound like much fun, but fun is not the purpose of our existence. When speaking to his sons who were struggling to grow up, the prophet Lehi taught: “ …men are, that they might have joy. ” In spite of all the difficulty and sacrifice fatherhood brings, a fullness of joy only comes to a man as he strives to fulfill the measure of his creation as a husband and father.

Personal Examples
If you’ll allow me, I’d like to close by giving you a small glimpse into the refinement and joy I have experienced as a father. 

This is my seven-year-old daughter Eleanor. Her sensitive and tender spirit is always inviting me to be more gentle and meek—in other words, more Christlike. 

Just the other day, my nine-year-old daughter Naomi said, “Dad, I want to marry a man just like you—except without the allergy to loud sounds.” Not only was it hilarious but it touched me deeply. 

After a lovely evening of going to dinner and a dance with my 11-year-old daughter Molly, she wrote me this note that I will always treasure: 

Dear Dad,

I LOVED going to the Daddy Daughter Dance with you!! I love you so much! I felt that when were there. I did NOT think it would be so much fun! That was the best night EVER! Also thanks for taking us to Pizza Pie Cafe. That night could not have got any better. I just love spending time with you. I cannot express how much I felt my love for you, my gratitude, and my happiness! Words can’t say it. I love you! P.S. No one can dance like you! 

When my 14-year-old son Carter was about 4 or 5 years old, he drew me a picture that still hangs in my office today. In this picture, he drew me leaving for school while he and Molly waited for me on the porch. Then he wrote these profound words: “Do not frgit,” which translated means: “Do not forget.” Carter still reminds me today to put my family first in my mind and in my heart.

Conclusion
I invite each of you to ponder on this significant doctrinal one-liner from the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: “Of all the titles of respect and honor and admiration that are given to Deity, He has asked us to address Him as Father.” 

My father physically rescued me from drowning many years ago. Yet more important than his physical strength, his character and example has protected me from the suffocating evil in this world. I will forever be grateful to a Heavenly Father who sent me an earthly father that pointed me back to Him. 

Some of you may have not had a good father in your life and perhaps think you are incapable of breaking that cycle. To you I say, your Heavenly Father has always been mindful of you. Because He sent His Son, hearts heal, cycles break, and God’s plan for His family can be a reality in your life. I testify this to be true. 

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

[i] Alma 17:11; Doctrine and Covenants 100:5.

[ii] Alma 5:46.

[iii] 3 Nephi 11:30.

[iv] Leonard Sax, Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men. (Basic Books, 2009).

[v] Richard Fry, R. “Living with Mom and/or Dad: More Common for Sons than Daughters,” Pew Research Center, May 2016; pewsocialtrends.org.

[vi] “Injury Prevention & Control,” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, June 2017; cdc.gov; “Statistics on Women in the Justice System,” Court Services and Offender Supervision Agency, January 2014; csosa.gov.

[vii] Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, April 2017; cdc.gov.

[viii] “Marriage and Divorce,” American Psychological Association; apa.org.

[ix] “The Majority of Children Live with Two Parents, Census Bureau Reports,” United States Census Bureau, Nov. 2016; census.gov.

[x] D. Todd Christofferson, “Brethren, We Have Work to Do,” Ensign, Nov. 2012; lds.org.

[xi] 3 Nephi 11:29.

[xii] Moses 4:4.

[xiii] “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Ensign, Nov. 2010; lds.org.

[xiv] 2 Nephi 28:21, 24.

[xv] 2 Corinthians 13:5.

[xvi] Matthew 19:20.

[xvii] Doctrine and Covenants 82:3.

[xviii] 1 Corinthians 11:11.

[xix] D. Todd Christofferson, “Fathers,” Ensign, Nov. 2010; lds.org.

[xx]A Parent’s Guide (manual, 1985); lds.org.

[xxi] Timothy J. Dyches, “Doubt Not, Fear Not” (Brigham Young University-Idaho Devotional, May 8, 2018); byui.edu.

[xxii]Gospel Classics: By the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (booklet; 1973); lds.org.

[xxiii] Ezra Taft Benson, “To the Fathers in Israel,” Ensign, Nov. 1987; lds.org.

[xxiv] Doctrine and Covenants 121:41.

[xxv] Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Of Things That Matter Most,” Ensign, Nov. 2010; lds.org.

[xxvi] Jeffrey Rosenberg and W. Bradford Wilcox, “The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children,” Child Welfare Information Gateway, 2006; childwelfare.gov.

[xxvii] A. Theodore Tuttle, “The Role of Fathers,” Ensign, Nov. 1973; lds.org.

[xxviii] Linda Nielsen, “Young Adult Daughters’ Relationships with Their Fathers: Review of Recent Research,” Marriage & Family Review,50(4), 360-372.

[xxix] Alma 46:12.

[xxx] “Earthly Father, Heavenly Father,” Mormon Message; lds.org.

[xxxi] Lynn G. Robbins, “What Manner of Men and Women Ought Ye to Be?” Ensign, May 2011; lds.org.

[xxxii] 2 Nephi 2:25.

See also paragraph 6, sentence B [Spiritual needs and teaching].

We now know that beginning in a child’s infancy, both fathers and mothers experience dramatic increases in “bonding hormones” but the same hormones elicit different responses. Mothers are predisposed to “coo and cuddle,” while fathers are predisposed to “tickle and toss.” Both are able to match their infant’s emotions and bond, but each offers different expressions in bonding that are critical for development.
Erickson, J. (2018, June 17). Rediscovering the indispensable role of fathers. Retrieved from https://www.deseret.com/2018/6/17/20647086/jenet-erickson-rediscovering-the-indispensable-role-of-fathers

“In spite of a dramatic increase since the 1950s in the percentage of employed mothers with children at home, national representative survey data consistently indicates that for mothers, the ideal work situation is not full-time employment. In fact, most mothers are working far more hours than they would prefer. Findings from The Motherhood Study appear much the same today as they did in 2005 — where 41% of mothers with children under age 18 were working full time, but only 15% of mothers with children in the home preferred to be. 

When Judith Warner interviewed these women to find out why they chose to “opt-out” of professional work, in spite of significant opportunities she found that the experience of motherhood had reshaped their ambitions. They wanted to be able to experience motherhood “on their own terms,” to be able to be emotionally present, to able to give what they felt their children needed without feeling they were compromising professional responsibilities. In her words, “They have greater appreciation of some of the values of home and connectivity, which were somewhat alien to them in their high-flying professions.”
Erickson, J. (2019, October 13). Why shame a mother for wanting to be a mother? Retrieved from https://www.deseret.com/opinion/2019/10/13/20908426/why-shame-a-mother-for-wanting-to-be-a-mother

See also paragraph 6, sentence B [Parents rear, provide, and teach].

Research has demonstrated that couples who have an equal partnership have happier relationships, better individual well-being, more effective parenting practices, and better-functioning children. Researchers have consistently found that couples who share power are more satisfied and have better overall marital quality than couples where one spouse dominates.
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An important reason for equal partners having greater satisfaction is that they have less negative interaction and more positive interaction in their relationship. In addition, couples that are equal partners are significantly less likely to experience verbal aggression and physical violence. Moreover, there is evidence that equal partners are more satisfied with the quality of the physical intimacy in their relationship. …
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There is substantial evidence that spouses who feel that they lack influence in their relationship—those who don’t have a voice—are more likely to experience symptoms of depression.
Hudson, V. and Miller, R. (2016). Equal partnership between men and women in families. In A. J. Hawkins, D. C. Dollahite, T. W. Draper (Eds.), Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives (pp. 128-139). Provo, UT: Brigham Young University.

“Just as the complementarity of a man and a woman is important for the type of union they can form, so too is it important for how they raise children. There is no such thing as “parenting.” There is mothering, and there is fathering, and children do best with both. While men and women are each capable of providing their children with a good upbringing, there are, on average, differences in the ways that mothers and fathers interact with their children and the functional roles that they play.”
Anderson, R. (2013, March 11). Marriage: What It Is, Why It Matters, and the Consequences of Redefining It. 

Rutgers University sociologist David Popenoe explains:
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The burden of social science evidence supports the idea that gender-differentiated parenting is important for human development and that the contribution of fathers to childrearing is unique and irreplaceable. …We should disavow the notion that “mommies can make good daddies,” just as we should disavow the popular notion…that “daddies can make good mommies.”… The two sexes are different to the core, and each is necessary—culturally and biologically—for the optimal development of a human being.
See David Popenoe, Life Without Father: Compelling New Evidence That Fatherhood and Marriage Are Indispensable for the Good of Children and Society (New York: The Free Press, 1996), p. 146.

“Help Meet”: Women’s Power to Serve – Angela Ashurst-McGee

Gender equality is not some gratuitous element of God’s vision of marriage; rather, we are commanded to presume the equality of our spouse as we approach the marriage altar, for otherwise we cannot truly love her or him. It is hoped that we then deepen that vision of our spouse’s equality in the divine work that is procreation and parenthood. Indeed, given that we believe Adam and Eve lived this law, a marriage reflecting the equality of the spouses is the ultimate traditional marriage.
Hudson, V. and Miller, R. (2016). Equal partnership between men and women in families. In A. J. Hawkins, D. C. Dollahite, T. W. Draper (Eds.), Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives (pp. 128-139). Provo, UT: Brigham Young University.

The right of men and women of marriageable age to marry and to found a family shall be recognized and that husband and wife should be equal partners.
United Nations General Assembly, Social development, including questions relating to the world social situation and to youth, ageing, disabled persons and the family, A/59/592, 3 Dec 2004.

“Identifying processes and mechanisms that help single mothers function well, despite the challenges they face, may be the best approach to improving the lives of children in single mother families. … Single mothers with higher social support exhibit higher positive parenting behaviors, lower depression and anxiety, higher self-efficacy, warmer relationships with their children.”
Taylor, Zoe & Conger, Rand, Promoting Strengths and Resilience in Single-Mother Families,” Child Development 88 (2017): 350–58.

Findings suggest that, like many other difficult experiences and events in the lives of individuals and couples, adaptation to unintentional biological childlessness is a slow and painful process of pursuing solutions; considering options; grieving losses; redefining the self, family, and the future; eventually being able to realize and appreciate the gains of having survived infertility; and, ultimately, reconstructing positive self-conceptions and a meaningful life without biological children. … These comments underscore the importance of an empathic, nonjudgmental posture as counselors bear witness to the struggles of couples to reconstruct their lives when they are unable to achieve what many of us take for granted—the goal of producing a child.
Daniluk, J. C., “Reconstructing their lives: A longitudinal, qualitative analysis of the transition to biological childlessness for infertile couples,” Journal of Counseling and Development 79:4 (2001): 439–49.

“Despite the clear supportive needs of these families, widowed fathers remain very much an overlooked and underserved population. To develop and implement targeted interventions for widowed fathers and their children, it is first necessary to better understand these men, their experiences, and the specific challenges they face.”
Yopp, Justin M, Park, Eliza M, Edwards, Teresa, Deal, Allison, & Rosenstein, Donald L., “Overlooked and underserved: Widowed fathers with dependent-age children,” Palliative & Supportive Care 13:5 (2015): 1325–34.

Research suggests that other family relationships such as siblings serve as important sources of support … and attend to the potential stresses associated with widowhood. By rendering support for economic as well as residential consequences of widowhood, [they] may be able to relieve some of the burden experienced by close family members and promote healthy and supportive relationships. … Widowhood involves both gains and losses in social support. Compared to married persons, widowed persons are less likely to have someone with whom they can share private feelings, especially at later stages of bereavement; however, widowed older adults receive greater support from other social relationships (e.g., children, friends, and relatives) than married persons. Further, there is a temporal dimension to this change in that family support increases at the initial stage of bereavement, whereas support from friends and relatives becomes significant at a later stage.
Ha, J., “Changes in Support from Confidants, Children, and Friends following Widowhood,” Journal of Marriage and Family 70:2 (2008), 306–18.

“Early widowhood causes an increase in stress and health risks in mothers. … Results indicate that lack of attention to widowed female head of the family, who continued to care for their children voluntarily and often in stressful situations, will have negative consequences. Therefore, beside economical support, they also need the comprehensive support of their family during the process of role transition.”
Shahla, K., Shayesteh, S., Fazlollah, A., & Reza, M., “The experience of a widowed head of the family during role transition: A qualitative study,” Journal of Qualitative Research in Health Sciences 2:1 (2013): 62–75.

Those receiving support from their family members may feel a greater sense of self-worth, and this enhanced self-esteem may be a psychological resource, encouraging optimism, positive affect, and better mental health.
Symister P., & Friend, R., The influence of social support and problematic support on optimism and depression in chronic illness: A prospective study evaluating self-esteem as a mediator,” Health Psychology 22 (2003): 123–29.

“There is now a growing body of research that illustrates that grandparent involvement is associated with improved mental health, improved resilience and pro-social behaviour in grandchildren. For instance, an earlier study by Buchanan & Flouri (2008) found that adolescents whose closest grandparent was involved in their lives following their parents’ separation or divorce, reported fewer emotional symptoms and more pro-social behaviours than those with less grandparent involvement. …
It is remarkable that across these very different settings, results show that grandparent involvement was associated with positive outcomes for children. Frequent or emotionally close contacts between a grandchild and a grandparent may protect against developmental problems and boost a child’s cognitive and social abilities.”
Buchanan, Ann, & Rotkirch, Anna. (2018). Twenty-first century grandparents: Global perspectives on changing roles and consequences. Contemporary Social Science, 13(2), 131-144.

Extended family has a positive impact on children’s educational attainment. “In addition to siblings resembling each other, first cousins also resemble each other with regard to how much education they complete.” Aunts, uncles, and grandparents may help children to be more resilient, by compensating for resources that may be lacking in their immediate family.
Mads Meier Jaeger, “The Extended Family and Children’s Educational Success,” American Sociological Review 77:6 (2012). 

Family stories are theorized to be a critical part of adolescents’ emerging identity and well-being. … Adolescents who report knowing more stories about their familial past show higher levels of emotional well-being, and also higher levels of identity achievement, even when controlling for general level of family functioning. …
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Stories of the familial past seem to provide a guide for adolescents’ developing sense of self and identity beyond everyday patterns of family interaction. Through sharing the past, families recreate themselves in the present, and project themselves into the future.
Fivush, R., Duke, M., Candler, C.H., & Bohanek, J.G. (2010). The power of family history in adolescent identity and well-being.

There are many family relationships that can be sacred stewardships. Brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, and others can be uniquely influential. “Extended families should lend support when needed.” Fostering these family connections can bring needed support and become prized relationships.
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The scriptures are full of examples of righteous men and women who made a significant difference in the lives of their extended family. Abraham changed Lot’s life as his uncle. Joseph of Egypt saved his brothers and their families. As adults, sisters Mary and Martha blessed each other and their brother, Lazarus. Ruth, as a daughter-in-law, sustained Naomi and then was eternally blessed in return by Naomi’s counsel. Elisabeth and Mary supported each other as cousins through the challenges surrounding their pregnancies. Even Zoram, who was not related by blood, was such a faithful support to Nephi that he and his children were adopted as if they were family. This broader view of family is so important to so many who have so much to give but feel cut off because they don’t have the nuclear family they want.
Ensign, September 2020.

One significant role that grandparents and extended family members play is to provide extra support that children need when parents have to work, care for siblings, or just need a break. This can be sharing in childcare duties or just providing support and guidance.

Healthy relationships with grandparents yield many benefits for children:

• Someone who offers unconditional love
• A mentor who can help with problems
• Kindness, humor, and patience
• Family traditions
• Learning about life lessons

It’s important for parents and extended family to agree on their role in their children’s lives. Grandparents need to remember that they are not the parents and decisions are not theirs to make.

Grandparents and family who live far away can maintain a close relationship by phone calls, writing letters, Skyping, and emailing between visits.
Source: Right from the Start NJ